Tag: Marriage Problems

Divorce and Remarriage in the Church

The Apostle Paul and Divorce

by Matthew Stidham, posted in Marriage and Divorce, Scripture

Previously, we’ve looked at divorce thoroughly from the beginning of Scripture, up well into the New Testament. Those previous writings were God’s Divorce, Divorce in Israel – Part 1, Divorce in Israel – Part 2, Divorce in Israel – Part 3, Biblical Divorce and Jesus – Part 1, and Biblical Divorce and Jesus Part 2. If you haven’t read those entries, then you may find yourself lost as we navigate this next section that covers the Apostle Paul’s understanding of divorce.

Words Matter

In 1 Corinthians 7, we come across an important word that needs clarification. The Greek word ἄγαμος (pronounced “hog-a-moss”) is only found in the New Testament four times. All four of those uses are by Paul, and all four occur here 1 Corinthians 7. What this means for us is Paul’s usage of ἄγαμος should define its meaning for purposes of Biblical disucssion.

The woman of 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 has walked out on her husband for an unspecified reason, and their marriage has ended. The NIV here uses the word “separate” for this marriage, which is the same word Jesus uses in Matthew 19:6. This marriage is over, and the now divorced woman is said to be ἄγαμος, which the NIV translates as “unmarried.” Now that she is divorced, she is in a status of not having a spouse. She is unmarried.

In 1 Corinthians 7:8, Paul makes the same argument that Jesus does for being unmarried (ἄγαμος) as being a good idea.

8 Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. 
The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011), 1 Co 7:8–9.

Now what’s interesting here is that very few people seem to have any issues with single people getting married, nor widows. I recently performed a wedding of two widows coming together in the years after their respective spouses did. Nobody protested that wedding. Nobody argued they were not supposed to remarry, and I have a feeling that’s because Paul is very clear here…it’s perfectly find for widows to remarry. Verse 9 makes that clear. In verse 8 Paul states his preference…it’s good to stay unmarried, but nobody tried to talk these widows out of getting married because Paul wanted them to remain single. It simply isn’t an argument people make.

Yet when it comes to divorced people, this argument is often made. People exclaim that a divorced person can never remarry, and claim their statement as being Biblical.

But did you notice what Paul actually said?

8 Now to the unmarried (ἄγαμος)…It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry….
The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011), 1 Co 7:8–9, emphasis added.

Did you catch that? Paul just indicated that the unmarried (ἄγαμος), regardless of how they are without a spouse, are able to remarry…they should marry if they find themselves longing for a spouse. This includes the divorced.

ἄγαμος refers to anyone who is in the status of not having a spouse. This would include the single who never married, those who are not quite marrying age yet, and the divorced. It doesn’t matter why you are unmarried. You are simply ἄγαμος if you have no spouse. And to this group, Paul says they should marry if they want.

“She must remain unmarried”

Now, back to a provision that Paul made in verse 11. It seems Paul is dealing with a specific issue—a real couple—in Corinth. After all, this entire discourse of Paul was because of “the matters [they] wrote about” to him (1 Cor 7:1). In the instance of verses 10 and 11, we have a woman who has walked out on her husband for no good cause it seems (listen to Dr. Michael Heiser and David Instone-Brewer for more detail). To that woman who has just up and left her spouse, Paul says her divorce is not legitimate, and her husband here should not divorce her either. They need to try to reconcile that marriage if at all possible.

And that’s the point, reconcile if at all possible. Marriage isn’t something we enter into lightly, and should never exit from lightly. And if the woman of verse 10 and 11 remarries, then she can no longer reconcile with her husband. Paul is encouraging this woman to not give up on this marriage because they did not have legitimate grounds for divorce. This is sin on the part of this woman, and Paul wants them to try to reconcile. And let’s be clear, they may not be able to reconcile. But if she remarries, then Deuteronomy 24 would clearly condemn them from being able to reconcile.

What About Previous Illegitimate Divorces?

As I recounted elsewhere, I know a couple that is happily married, and had been so for decades at the time this story took place. They had been out of the church for a very long time, and had finally come back to a church and began to worship and get plugged in. After some time had passed, some of the church leaders came to visit this couple. The church leaders told this happily married couple they should divorce even though their marriage was healthy because they had both been married previously. The church leaders never asked about their previous marriages, or details about why they were divorced. They had simply been married before, and been divorced. And while they were unmarried (ἄγαμος), they met each other, fell in love, and formed a God-honoring marriage that had lasted for decades (and still remains today). Apparently in the minds of that church, two divorces were better than one. That couple left that church and never went back, and rightly so in my opinion.

Let’s consider what else Paul has to say in 1 Corinthians 7 in addition to the fact that the unmarried (ἄγαμος), divorced or otherwise, are able to remarry.

17 Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.

 The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011), 1 Co 7:17.

Paul’s indication is regardless of your marital status, regardless of your past, stay where you are. If you’re single, stay that way. If you’re married, stay that way. If you were divorced and are now remarried, stay that way. If you’re recently divorced, stay that way. If you’re widowed stay that way. And just in case that statement wasn’t clear, Paul stresses it again.

20 Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. 

 The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011), 1 Co 7:20.

And again…

24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. 

 The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011), 1 Co 7:24.

And again…

26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 

 The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011), 1 Co 7:26–28, emphasis added.

Paul gives advice throughout this entire passage to stay in the situation you’re in, including the divorced among the church in Corinth. And Paul is clear that if they choose to marry, including the divorced in Corinth, they have not sinned.

Summary of Biblical Divorce thus far in 1 Corinthians 7

  • Paul speaks of the divorced as ἄγαμος, a Greek term that simply is the state of being unmarried. Within this group, Paul includes all people who are unmarried, regardless of the cause.
  • Paul says the unmarried (ἄγαμος) can, and should get remarried if they long for a spouse (1 Cor 7:8-9)
  • Paul cautions a particular married couple (see 1 Cor 7:1, and 1 Cor 7:10-11) that they should try to reconcile because their marriage was not legitimate. This is an attempt to keep Deuteronomy 24 from coming into play, and causing the marriage to not be able to be reconciled.
  • The wronged party here is the husband, and seemingly it would be up to him to decide if he is willing to take back his wife who has wronged him.
  • Specific couple aside, if someone is divorced and remarries, that in and of itself is not a sin (1 Cor 7:28, 36, etc.).
  • Current marriages should never be broken up due to previous divorces, because Paul commands everyone to stay in the situation (marital state) they are in when they come to Christ, and this should be the rule in all churches (1 Cor 7:17).
  • This does not disagree with Paul, or Jesus because both of them were tracking with the Old Testament rules surrounding divorce and remarriage.

Biblical Divorce Series

  1. God’s Divorce
  2. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 1
  3. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 2
  4. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 3
  5. Biblical Divorce and Jesus – Part 1
  6. Biblical Divorce and Jesus – Part 2
  7. The Apostle Paul and Divorce

Divorce and Remarriage in the Church

Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 3

by Matthew Stidham, posted in Christianity, Marriage and Divorce, Scripture

In my previous post, we looked at Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and learned about the debate surrounding this text in Jesus’ time (again, more on that later.) If you are new to this series, my encouragement to you before reading this post is to familiarize yourself with the previous posts in this series, starting with God’s Divorce. God is divorced, and is still perfect and sinless, therefore divorce itself is not sinful. That does not mean, however, that every reason for divorce is valid. The previous posts will help orient you to the purpose, and interpretive lens I’m using for this series. In this post, I’d like for us to consider texts in Ezra/Nehemiah and Malachi. But first a little background.

Ezra/Nehemiah Background: Cautionary tale, or blueprint?

Israel has been completely destroyed, and Judah has been in captivity for years. In Ezra/Nehemiah, God moves and enables a resettling of Jerusalem by those in exile. Though God is clearly behind the resettling, this does not mean every action taken by humans in this text is a representation of God’s will. If it is, then this text would serve as a blueprint for us to follow in our own societies. If you read the final chapter of Nehemiah, the reform is a failure. Nobody seems faithful, God’s Word is not honored, and violence seems to be the solution. Not exactly a picture perfect example of God’s ways being lived out.

Biblical texts sometimes serve as cautionary tales rather than blueprints to follow. We understand this with Jonah, but for some reason we struggle to see this possibility in other texts. Let me suggest that Ezra/Nehemiah is better read as a warning against trying to impose moral change through external behavior, than as a method we should seek to duplicate. For more on this, Carmen Imes has a wonderful article on the subject. The team at Bible Project also does well in illustrating the failed moral reform of these zealous individuals. Their hearts are in the right place, but their actions fall short of God’s ideal ways.

Malachi the prophet is a contemporary of the Ezra/Nehemiah story. Malachi clearly disagrees with the Ezra/Nehemiah approach on several points (one of which we will discuss here). This seems to validate the idea that Ezra/Nehemiah should be considered a cautionary tale. Let’s now look at the Ezra/Nehemiah text as it applies to marriage and divorce, and then we will explore Malachi’s scathing rebuke of Ezra/Nehemiah’s theology.

Ezra 10:1-5, 10

1 While Ezra was praying and confessing, weeping and throwing himself to the ground before the temple of God, a very large crowd of Israelites—men, women, and children alike—gathered around him. The people wept loudly. 2 Then Shecaniah son of Jehiel, from the descendants of Elam, addressed Ezra:
“We have been unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women from the local peoples. Nonetheless, there is still hope for Israel in this regard. 3 Therefore let us enact a covenant with our God to send away all these women and their offspring, in keeping with your counsel, my lord, and that of those who respect the commandments of our God. And let it be done according to the law. 4 Get up, for this matter concerns you. We are with you, so be strong and act decisively!”
5 So Ezra got up and made the leading priests and Levites and all Israel take an oath to carry out this plan…

10 Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, “You have behaved in an unfaithful manner by taking foreign wives! This has contributed to the guilt of Israel. 11 Now give praise to the LORD God of your fathers, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the local residents and from these foreign wives.”

Ezr 10:1–5, 10-11, Biblical Studies Press, The NET Bible, Second Edition (Denmark: Thomas Nelson, 2019).

Again, I highly recommend Carmen’s article to understand what’s going on here. The problem with Judah in this text is not their marriages, but idolatry. Like Solomon before them, they have taken foreign wives and adopted their religious idolatry instead of being the “kingdom of priests” they have been called to be. Ezra has taught the people the Torah, and they have misapplied it to their situation. Even the Messianic line is full of foreign wives, including Ruth. (For more on Ruth, read Ruth: A Story of Hesed, and Looking at Ruth And Seeing God.) The problem is not foreign wives per se, the problem is how these foreign wives are bringing their idolatry into Israel, instead of being transformed into the likeness of Yahweh by Israel.

Notice that the suggestion of divorce comes not from Ezra, but from one of the men in the group. Notice also how the blame is shifted to the foreign wives. The suggestion is if the women and children were not around, then there would be no sin. It’s always convenient to blame someone else for our sins. Ezra goes along with this plan, and indeed calls these Israelite men to divorce their wives and send them and their children away. Ezra’s plan now creates a massive refugee crisis where there is no provision for these “widows and orphans,” as they now have to fend for themselves. And while Ezra’s plan is being carried out, Ezra and all of Israel has forgotten that the very God they serve “loves the orphan and widow, and [he] loves resident foreigners, giving them food and clothing. So you must love the resident foreigner because you were foreigners in the land of Egypt.” (See Dt 10:15-19)

The point I’m making is the sinfulness in the rationale of Ezra’s generation in regards to divorce. This same sinful rationale exists in our generation as well. When we want to do something, we find a verse or passage of Scripture, ignore the context, ignore other verses that conflict with our theology, and act in the way we want to. This is what the people suggest, this is what Ezra blesses, and this is what Malachi denounces.

Malachi 2:10-16

10 Do we not all have one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our ancestors by being unfaithful to one another?
11 Judah has been unfaithful. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves by marrying women who worship a foreign god. 12 As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD remove him from the tents of Jacob—even though he brings an offering to the LORD Almighty.
13 Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
15 Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.
16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty.
So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

Mal, 2:10-16, The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011).

Notice the problem is that the women “worship a foreign god” (v. 11). Compare that to Ruth’s famous “your God will be my God” (Ruth 1:16) and you see the problem. It’s not foreign wives per se, but their idolatry. Ezra’s solution is to promote divorce. The logic is “if you sinned before by entering an idolatrous marriage, then violate your marriage covenant now to make things right. Don’t address the problem, just get rid of it!” Malachi’s rebuttal is to honor your commitments in marriage while being faithful to Yahweh. Malachi’s clear statement on the actions of Ezra and the men of Israel is that they have done “violence to the one [they] should protect.”

Malachi Influences Paul?

It would be easy to just dismiss this text as having to do with a situation that’s almost impossible to recreate today, and therefore of little significance to this study. However, I believe this is the wisdom that Paul draws upon on 1 Corinthians 7, which we will study in depth in future posts. Malachi’s reasoning on the matter would indicate that a divorce that is not founded upon Exodus 21 or Deuteronomy 24 is an invalid divorce. The goal may have been noble (to right a past wrong), but this is clearly not what the Torah instructed about divorce, and therefore the divorce is not valid.

Paul borrows this same logic when he tells the Corinthian church that “each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches” (1 Corinthians 7:17 NIV). Prior to this, Paul encourages both men and women that if they are married to an nonbeliever, and the nonbeliever is willing to stay with them, then they should not divorce. However, if the nonbeliever no longer wants to be part of the marriage because of the faith of the other spouse, then Paul says “let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances” (1 Corinthians 7:15 NIV).

Much more on 1 Corinthians 7 later, but understand that Paul does not want to break apart marriages because the couple is what some would refer to as “unequally yoked.” Their marriage should remain, just as Malachi instructed Israel. And in the case of abandonment (1 Cor 7:15, one party wants to leave), there is no shame attached to the other party, and they are free to marry again.

Summary of Biblical Divorce in Ezra/Nehemiah and Malachi

  • Ezra/Nehemiah promotes divorce in order to undo a previous wrong. Both Malachi and Paul show this to be faulty theology and sinful practice (Mal 2:14-16; 1 Cor 7:12-14).
  • Malachi shows that the reason for a divorce matters. With the case of Israel in Ezra/Nehemiah, divorce was not the correct answer. Divorcing someone in an effort to undo a past wrong is not a valid reason for divorce.
  • Though valid reasons for divorce do exist (Exod 21, Deut 24, 1 Cor 7:15, etc.), dissolving a current marriage due to a past sin is not a valid reason.
  • Paul uses this same logic to encourage believers in Christ to stay in the marriage they have if at all possible, because this honors the commitment they made and honors Christ. “Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them” (1 Cor 7:20 NIV).
  • If the marriage ends, however, due to legitimate reasons, or one spouse giving up on the marriage, “let it be so” (1 Cor 7:15).

Next time, we will explore the words of Jesus about divorce in their context, and in the larger Biblical context.

Biblical Divorce Series

  1. God’s Divorce
  2. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 1
  3. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 2
  4. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 3
  5. Biblical Divorce and Jesus – Part 1
  6. Biblical Divorce and Jesus – Part 2
  7. The Apostle Paul and Divorce