Month: January 2024

Divorce and Remarriage in the Church

Biblical Divorce and Jesus – Part 1

by Matthew Stidham, posted in Christianity, Marriage and Divorce, Scripture

In my previous article, I concluded our look at the substantive Old Testament texts dealing with divorce. We have previously discussed Deuteronomy 24, and understanding that text is important for interpreting Jesus’ words on divorce, especially when it comes to Matthew 19. If you have not read the article on Deuteronomy 24, please do so before continuing with this post.

When we read the words of Jesus concerning divorce in Matthew 19 with an Old Testament eye, we find Jesus is not laying down new rules for marriage and divorce. Instead, he is settling the age-old argument of “any matter” and “indecency” (seriously, go read about Deuteronomy 24). Let’s begin by reading Matthew’s retelling of the story.

Matthew 19

3 Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?”
4 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ v 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Mt 19:3–6, The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011).

They Asked Jesus The Wrong Question

When Jesus responds to these Pharisees, he completely sidesteps their question, and instead shows them the problem behind their desire to ask these questions. You see, the Pharisees want to know what God views as acceptable divorce, to determine when they were allowed to divorce. Instead, Jesus wants them to recognize that God’s ideal is not divorce (even though God himself experienced divorce). Instead, God calls all people to honor all their covenants (Mal 2:10, 16). Jesus wants these Pharisees to realize that marriage should never be entered into lightly, as we are making a commitment to another person for better or worse. Mining the Scriptures looking for loopholes to end a marriage because a woman burned your toast, or because you found someone more attractive, is never what God intended. And yes, Jewish rabbis of the day actually made these theological arguments from Deuteronomy 24. Just consider this quote as recorded in the Mishna, Gittin 9:10.

9:10 A The House of Shammai say, “A man should divorce his wife only because he has found grounds for it in unchastity,
B “since it is said, Because he has found in her indecency in anything (Dt. 24:).”
C And the House of Hillel say, “Even if she spoiled his dish,
D “since it is said, Because he has found in her indecency in anything.
E R. Aqiba says, “Even if he found someone else prettier than she,
F “since it is said, And it shall be if she find no favor in his eyes (Dt. 24:1).”

Jacob Neusner, The Mishnah : A New Translation (New Haven, CT: Yale University Press, 1988), 487.

To Jesus, the intent of man and woman being made for one another, designed by God to overcome the shortcomings of the other, working together to fulfill God’s design for humanity…that’s what marriage should be. Hillel, Aqiba, and the Pharisees show they have forgotten why marriage even exists, and spend their time looking for the first instance when a marriage can be ended to pursue others.

Is Jesus Ignoring Scripture?

After realizing that Jesus has destroyed their motivation for asking about divorce, the Pharisees are clearly confused. Is Jesus setting aside the Scriptures? The very word of God came through Moses after all (Exod 7:1-7), and Moses clearly indicated that divorce was legal, even requiring a certificate of divorce. So, they question Jesus again.

7 “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?”
8 Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. 9 I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.”

Mt 19:7–9, The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011).

Jesus once again points out that God’s original intent was not for humans to divorce. They were to be together forever in unity with each other and with him. But that’s not what happened. Sin entered the garden, and damaged the relationship between husband and wife, breaking down every human relationship from what God intended. As Derek Kidner so aptly summed it up in his commentary on Genesis, “‘To love and to cherish’ becomes ‘to desire and to dominate.'”

One of the effects of sin was the hardening of our hearts toward one another. This is the root cause of all our struggles in this world. And when our hearts are hard, we act in unkind and unloving ways toward one another. And sadly, this sometimes damages marriages beyond repair. This is why Moses gave the certificate of divorce. Moses was not operating outside the will of God by doing this, but rather God led Moses to navigate the best of a bad situation. But just because God, Moses, and Jesus all realize that bad situations exist, we shouldn’t set bad situations as the bar. We shouldn’t set broken marriages as the ideal.

The Pharisees see the divorce as the standard, and Jesus sets pure hearts and loving, committed marriages as the ideal, just as it was in the beginning before sin ever entered the picture. Sin is a universal problem. Divorce is painful. Jesus calls us to God’s ideal, rather than accepting brokenness as a way of life. Blessed are those who mourn. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness. Blessed are the merciful. Blessed are the peacemakers. This is the way of Jesus. And the way of Jesus doesn’t view marriage as just another relationship bound for the trash heap.

Coming Next in Part 2

When I finished writing about Jesus and divorce earlier today, I was sitting at over 3,000 words and wondering if I needed to add more (indeed I do). I know that stopping at this point in Matthew 19 causes many to suggest I’m sidestepping what Jesus says next, or I’m diluting his message. I want to reassure you that I am not stopping here. Jesus, the Pharisees, and the disciples tell us much more in Matthew 19.

We will look at what Jesus has to say about the consequences of an illegitimate divorce, what the shocked reactions of the disciples tell us about their understanding of marriage, and what Jesus has to say about living a single and celibate life.

Additionally we’ll dig into Mark 10, Luke 16, and a real life example of how the misapplication of Jesus’ words caused a well known pastor and his megachurch in the United States to disfellowship a physically and sexually abused woman and children for leaving her husband’s/father’s abuse. They did this because, in their understanding, Jesus would only allow someone to leave this situation if the family had proof this man had committed sexual immorality outside their marriage. The man is now in prison for his crimes against them.

For now, let’s take a break and look at what we have learned so far.

Summary of Biblical Divorce thus far in Matthew 19

  • Jesus responds to a question from the Pharisees, which directly quotes the common interpretation of Deuteronomy 24. Jesus’ response is then an interpretation of Deuteronomy 24.
  • By responding to one text of the Bible, Jesus did not abolish other texts of the Bible on the same subject. Therefore, Exodus 21 is still a valid teaching about divorce for today (as we’ll see when Paul deals with divorce in 1 Corinthians 7).
  • Jesus taught that the one who ends a marriage without valid grounds (the man in the case of Matthew 19, and either party in the case of Mark 10) to marry another is guilty of adultery.
  • Notice that Jesus never condemns the victim in these divorces. If one party wrongly divorces the victim, the victim has done no wrong. In this case, one party has sinned and one party is innocent. It is the one who abuses their spouse through an illegitimate ending of the marriage that is guilty.
  • I reiterate my original point in this series of posts that being divorced does not make one guilty of sin. Divorce is often caused by sin, but divorce itself is not a sin. In the examples Jesus gives, the wronged party has done no wrong, and should feel no shame for their divorced status. The hard heart of the former spouse is the reason God gave a certificate of divorce, which frees them to marry again.
  • Paul’s teachings on divorce draw upon Deuteronomy 24 and Exodus 21, and will further enlighten how to interpret Jesus’ words here.

Biblical Divorce Series

  1. God’s Divorce
  2. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 1
  3. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 2
  4. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 3
  5. Biblical Divorce and Jesus – Part 1
  6. Biblical Divorce and Jesus – Part 2
  7. The Apostle Paul and Divorce

Divorce and Remarriage in the Church

Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 3

by Matthew Stidham, posted in Christianity, Marriage and Divorce, Scripture

In my previous post, we looked at Deuteronomy 24:1-4 and learned about the debate surrounding this text in Jesus’ time (again, more on that later.) If you are new to this series, my encouragement to you before reading this post is to familiarize yourself with the previous posts in this series, starting with God’s Divorce. God is divorced, and is still perfect and sinless, therefore divorce itself is not sinful. That does not mean, however, that every reason for divorce is valid. The previous posts will help orient you to the purpose, and interpretive lens I’m using for this series. In this post, I’d like for us to consider texts in Ezra/Nehemiah and Malachi. But first a little background.

Ezra/Nehemiah Background: Cautionary tale, or blueprint?

Israel has been completely destroyed, and Judah has been in captivity for years. In Ezra/Nehemiah, God moves and enables a resettling of Jerusalem by those in exile. Though God is clearly behind the resettling, this does not mean every action taken by humans in this text is a representation of God’s will. If it is, then this text would serve as a blueprint for us to follow in our own societies. If you read the final chapter of Nehemiah, the reform is a failure. Nobody seems faithful, God’s Word is not honored, and violence seems to be the solution. Not exactly a picture perfect example of God’s ways being lived out.

Biblical texts sometimes serve as cautionary tales rather than blueprints to follow. We understand this with Jonah, but for some reason we struggle to see this possibility in other texts. Let me suggest that Ezra/Nehemiah is better read as a warning against trying to impose moral change through external behavior, than as a method we should seek to duplicate. For more on this, Carmen Imes has a wonderful article on the subject. The team at Bible Project also does well in illustrating the failed moral reform of these zealous individuals. Their hearts are in the right place, but their actions fall short of God’s ideal ways.

Malachi the prophet is a contemporary of the Ezra/Nehemiah story. Malachi clearly disagrees with the Ezra/Nehemiah approach on several points (one of which we will discuss here). This seems to validate the idea that Ezra/Nehemiah should be considered a cautionary tale. Let’s now look at the Ezra/Nehemiah text as it applies to marriage and divorce, and then we will explore Malachi’s scathing rebuke of Ezra/Nehemiah’s theology.

Ezra 10:1-5, 10

1 While Ezra was praying and confessing, weeping and throwing himself to the ground before the temple of God, a very large crowd of Israelites—men, women, and children alike—gathered around him. The people wept loudly. 2 Then Shecaniah son of Jehiel, from the descendants of Elam, addressed Ezra:
“We have been unfaithful to our God by marrying foreign women from the local peoples. Nonetheless, there is still hope for Israel in this regard. 3 Therefore let us enact a covenant with our God to send away all these women and their offspring, in keeping with your counsel, my lord, and that of those who respect the commandments of our God. And let it be done according to the law. 4 Get up, for this matter concerns you. We are with you, so be strong and act decisively!”
5 So Ezra got up and made the leading priests and Levites and all Israel take an oath to carry out this plan…

10 Then Ezra the priest stood up and said to them, “You have behaved in an unfaithful manner by taking foreign wives! This has contributed to the guilt of Israel. 11 Now give praise to the LORD God of your fathers, and do his will. Separate yourselves from the local residents and from these foreign wives.”

Ezr 10:1–5, 10-11, Biblical Studies Press, The NET Bible, Second Edition (Denmark: Thomas Nelson, 2019).

Again, I highly recommend Carmen’s article to understand what’s going on here. The problem with Judah in this text is not their marriages, but idolatry. Like Solomon before them, they have taken foreign wives and adopted their religious idolatry instead of being the “kingdom of priests” they have been called to be. Ezra has taught the people the Torah, and they have misapplied it to their situation. Even the Messianic line is full of foreign wives, including Ruth. (For more on Ruth, read Ruth: A Story of Hesed, and Looking at Ruth And Seeing God.) The problem is not foreign wives per se, the problem is how these foreign wives are bringing their idolatry into Israel, instead of being transformed into the likeness of Yahweh by Israel.

Notice that the suggestion of divorce comes not from Ezra, but from one of the men in the group. Notice also how the blame is shifted to the foreign wives. The suggestion is if the women and children were not around, then there would be no sin. It’s always convenient to blame someone else for our sins. Ezra goes along with this plan, and indeed calls these Israelite men to divorce their wives and send them and their children away. Ezra’s plan now creates a massive refugee crisis where there is no provision for these “widows and orphans,” as they now have to fend for themselves. And while Ezra’s plan is being carried out, Ezra and all of Israel has forgotten that the very God they serve “loves the orphan and widow, and [he] loves resident foreigners, giving them food and clothing. So you must love the resident foreigner because you were foreigners in the land of Egypt.” (See Dt 10:15-19)

The point I’m making is the sinfulness in the rationale of Ezra’s generation in regards to divorce. This same sinful rationale exists in our generation as well. When we want to do something, we find a verse or passage of Scripture, ignore the context, ignore other verses that conflict with our theology, and act in the way we want to. This is what the people suggest, this is what Ezra blesses, and this is what Malachi denounces.

Malachi 2:10-16

10 Do we not all have one Father? Did not one God create us? Why do we profane the covenant of our ancestors by being unfaithful to one another?
11 Judah has been unfaithful. A detestable thing has been committed in Israel and in Jerusalem: Judah has desecrated the sanctuary the LORD loves by marrying women who worship a foreign god. 12 As for the man who does this, whoever he may be, may the LORD remove him from the tents of Jacob—even though he brings an offering to the LORD Almighty.
13 Another thing you do: You flood the LORD’s altar with tears. You weep and wail because he no longer looks with favor on your offerings or accepts them with pleasure from your hands. 14 You ask, “Why?” It is because the LORD is the witness between you and the wife of your youth. You have been unfaithful to her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant.
15 Has not the one God made you? You belong to him in body and spirit. And what does the one God seek? Godly offspring. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful to the wife of your youth.
16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty.
So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

Mal, 2:10-16, The New International Version (Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 2011).

Notice the problem is that the women “worship a foreign god” (v. 11). Compare that to Ruth’s famous “your God will be my God” (Ruth 1:16) and you see the problem. It’s not foreign wives per se, but their idolatry. Ezra’s solution is to promote divorce. The logic is “if you sinned before by entering an idolatrous marriage, then violate your marriage covenant now to make things right. Don’t address the problem, just get rid of it!” Malachi’s rebuttal is to honor your commitments in marriage while being faithful to Yahweh. Malachi’s clear statement on the actions of Ezra and the men of Israel is that they have done “violence to the one [they] should protect.”

Malachi Influences Paul?

It would be easy to just dismiss this text as having to do with a situation that’s almost impossible to recreate today, and therefore of little significance to this study. However, I believe this is the wisdom that Paul draws upon on 1 Corinthians 7, which we will study in depth in future posts. Malachi’s reasoning on the matter would indicate that a divorce that is not founded upon Exodus 21 or Deuteronomy 24 is an invalid divorce. The goal may have been noble (to right a past wrong), but this is clearly not what the Torah instructed about divorce, and therefore the divorce is not valid.

Paul borrows this same logic when he tells the Corinthian church that “each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches” (1 Corinthians 7:17 NIV). Prior to this, Paul encourages both men and women that if they are married to an nonbeliever, and the nonbeliever is willing to stay with them, then they should not divorce. However, if the nonbeliever no longer wants to be part of the marriage because of the faith of the other spouse, then Paul says “let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances” (1 Corinthians 7:15 NIV).

Much more on 1 Corinthians 7 later, but understand that Paul does not want to break apart marriages because the couple is what some would refer to as “unequally yoked.” Their marriage should remain, just as Malachi instructed Israel. And in the case of abandonment (1 Cor 7:15, one party wants to leave), there is no shame attached to the other party, and they are free to marry again.

Summary of Biblical Divorce in Ezra/Nehemiah and Malachi

  • Ezra/Nehemiah promotes divorce in order to undo a previous wrong. Both Malachi and Paul show this to be faulty theology and sinful practice (Mal 2:14-16; 1 Cor 7:12-14).
  • Malachi shows that the reason for a divorce matters. With the case of Israel in Ezra/Nehemiah, divorce was not the correct answer. Divorcing someone in an effort to undo a past wrong is not a valid reason for divorce.
  • Though valid reasons for divorce do exist (Exod 21, Deut 24, 1 Cor 7:15, etc.), dissolving a current marriage due to a past sin is not a valid reason.
  • Paul uses this same logic to encourage believers in Christ to stay in the marriage they have if at all possible, because this honors the commitment they made and honors Christ. “Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them” (1 Cor 7:20 NIV).
  • If the marriage ends, however, due to legitimate reasons, or one spouse giving up on the marriage, “let it be so” (1 Cor 7:15).

Next time, we will explore the words of Jesus about divorce in their context, and in the larger Biblical context.

Biblical Divorce Series

  1. God’s Divorce
  2. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 1
  3. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 2
  4. Biblical Divorce: Divorce in Israel – Part 3
  5. Biblical Divorce and Jesus – Part 1
  6. Biblical Divorce and Jesus – Part 2
  7. The Apostle Paul and Divorce